For eons, I have wanted to do something really outrageous to my hair. In 2013, (Okay. Maybe eons is too much of an exaggeration, but you get my point) I bleached the tips of my hair.

This was the most outrageous thing I could do to it, since the company I am working for doesn't allow colored hair. I know. Blek. Anyway, I came up with another solution which was the pixie haircut! Preferably, like Jennifer Lawrence's hair today.

But then again, I wasn't allowed to do it. Credits to my Mom for that restriction.

Soooo.. in the end. This is what happened.

I don't want people assuming I cut my hair short 'cause of sadness or anything of that sort, so I did it this New Year. I guess a bit of New Year, New Me won't hurt.

Anyway, Happy New Year everyone! Stick to your resolutions ayt?

Do you ever have those moments when you just stop?
You stop and think of every action and why you do it.
Why do I write?
Why do I listen to these songs?
Why does Adventure Time make me happy?
Then.. you see someone, making the best out of every moment and your thoughts change.
Why am I not doing that?
Why is insert-name-here better than me at insert-acquired-talent-here?
Why am I so envious of people who are better than me?
You keep asking these questions.
But you already know the answer... you just can't accept it.

You're envious because you know you can be just as good.. or even better, but you never pursue it.
Why?
Why not pursue what you want?
Too lazy? No inspiration? Or fear of failure?
Whatever the reason is, it leads to one thing: It's you who's stopping yourself.
Point being, you shouldn't stop. Keep moving.
Don't be your own enemy and be the change you want to see.
Bow.

Technistock Bowling 2013

"What was that saying again? Work hard, play harder?"
"Yep, I think that's it."

Eight groups of five/six were dressed in different colors: Awesome Aquamarine, Pushy Pink, Oh-some Orange,  Bombastic Blue, Amazing Ash, Powerful Purple, Galactic Green and Resbak Red. Everyone was eager not to lose, for the punishment shall be losing one's dignity in an attempt to shake their booties as an intermission number in the company's Christmas Party. This year, it gets much better. It was agreed upon that not only one, but two numbers shall be prepared. Dun. Dun. DUNNNNNNNN.
You might think that it was alright for me to lose. Well... no.
You see, I didn't want to be the anchor that'll bring my team down.

... and I wasn't (though I got the lowest score of us all ha-ha).

In the end, we weren't the last team in the ranking sheets and none of my team's members were part of the lowest individuals. But if you ask me, even if the conclusion of that night was a different one, I'd still be happy. 'Cause we played hard and came in like a wrecking ball (for the bowling pins is what I mean).

P.S: I know, I'm addicted to Wrecking Ball references nowadays. I'm sorry. This'll pass. Give me time.

He was telling her of her worth, her impact and how much she's done for him.
He was almost in the verge of tears, but once he finished, she laughed that familiar breathy laugh of hers.
"What's so funny?" He wasn't annoyed by the action, he was used to it actually. But he always wondered why she laughed whenever he says something like this.
She looked at him, trying hard to keep her eyes on his.
"You have to understand that this will always feel new to me. It will always feel like it's the first confession I've ever heard. So, I'll always end up speechless. I won't be able to look into your eyes for too long 'cause I'll see how genuine your words are, and I just know it'll take my breath away. In the end, there won't be any other outlet for the happiness that you just made me feel. So.. I laugh."
She smiled shyly at him and took his hand then squeezed it. "I laugh because I'm really happy that I'm with you."
She leaned on his shoulder and for once, he didn't mind being laughed at.

For the past few weeks, I have been constantly trying to be attentive with people's attempt of conversation with me, 'cause truth be told I have only one thing that I cannot stop thinking about, which is Kpop Republic. The said event consists of three Kpop Idol groups (Dal Shabet, EXO-K, SHINee ♥) and a hip hop duo (Crispi Crunch feat. Soomin of April Kiss).

Shall I start the story from the beginning?

September 7, 2013, approximately ten in the morning, I got word from a Kpop friend of mine that SHINee had just arrived from Korea. The initial plan was to not stalk them and stay put until the concert starts. But there was this feeling of hope when I thought about seeing them really up close, besides my sister really wanted to stalk them too. You see, we didn't acquire SVIP tickets, we had Upper Box A tickets, so I understand her sentiments. Hence, the thought of seeing SHINee's gayness up close was something to really ponder about.

After measuring the pros and cons, we've decided to wait for their arrival in Shangrila Hotel in EDSA. Once our feet landed near Shangrila Plaza, I could already feel the presence of all my fellow Kpop fans.
"You see that? They're fangirls! Come on!" I took hold of my sister's hands and I think it's appropriate to say that in that moment we tried our best to run like the wind
We heard girls screaming so we ran to that direction, only to find out that we were too late.
I asked a girl if SHINee had already arrived.
"They arrived minutes ago. I actually saw Taemin and Key."
We weren't ready to give up yet so I asked a friend of mine, who has experience in these kinds of things, where the idols usually loiter around.
We followed her directions only to be blocked by guards everywhere. We tried to look as if we weren't fans, but to no avail.

So in the end, we just sat at a corner in Shangrila Hotel and waited for a miracle to happen.

The look of a defeated fangirl :))

Perhaps this time anyone might think, SHINee might come around and we'll get to see them. But no. Life is not a fairytale, especially the life of a fangirl. So after an hour of waiting, we decided it was time to pack our bags and give up. We went inside Shangrila Plaza and waited for a friend of ours before we came to Araneta.

Waiting for my friend's sister. 'Cause she needed someone to go with her in the concert. By this time, I already felt tired. All the running we did took a toll on me.

We finally got to Farmer's Mall via MRT. And wow, MRT was really packed. Even if it was a Saturday and it wasn't even rush hour. We decided to finally eat, since a hungry stomach can't suffice for an energy packed concert. While eating, we were waiting for Sir Francis' arrival (officemate of mine), who is very kind to lend me his digital camera (I know. We're poor. Hu-hu). When he arrived, that's when I realized that we forgot to bring something very important, our concert tickets. Dun Dun Dunnnnnnn.

Yes. I, the ever organized and always planning Jencel, have forgotten our tickets. I seriously wanted to punch myself that time. I really don't know what was happening, but it felt like evil forces were toying with me that day.

It was raining really hard when we (Sir Francis was kind enough to accompany me) went back to the apartment and look at what happened.

Yes, we had to endure a knee-high deep flood just to get those tickets.

It was really frustrating 'cause I was posing this goth-I-hate-people-look but it got ruined. So in the end I went for the normal shirts and pants getup.

We got back in Araneta at around 5:30 PM and the gates were already opened. We got ushered to the reserved seats and I love how the stadium looked with all my fellow fangirls in their seats.

I cried when I realized how close I was to the stage. Ha-ha.

The fans went wild once the lights went out.

"Good evening Araneta Coliseum. Welcome to Kpop Republic. Here are your hosts for tonight, Christian Bautista and Jinri Park!"

Their appearance was really short. I guess it's because they're trying to squeeze in everything in a 2-hour concert.

The first act was the hip-hop duo Crispi Crunch. Normally, Kpop fans would not even mind anyone that isn't their favorite group. But their songs and the vibe their performance gave just boosted up everyone's excitement. I actually wanted to stand up from my seat and party like I don't care.

Their last song was Gangnam Style and I think they did it 'cause they really wanted everyone to dance along with them.

The second to perform is the female idol group, Dal Shabet. I have known them since I was in college 'cause of Chill (my very handsome bestfriend). He wanted us to dance Supa Dupa Diva in one of our performances. So that's when I discovered them. But I never really got into them like I did with 2ne1, SISTAR, f(x), etc. So my sister did some research on them and we watched their music video of Be Ambitious, and we were really lucky 'cause they actually performed it! I was able to take a video of it (it was too sexy awesome to not be recorded).


Their last song, coincidentally, is Supa Dupa Diva.

The next act, kind of blasted my eardrums to their death, EXO-K. I'm not much of a fan of the group. But their performance and songs (like Growl) were really good. I like how they're really interactive with their fans. They kept saying that Philippines was a beautiful country (according to my hearing), and how the Filipino fans are "go-reu-geous". I have to admit, Chanyeol and D.O really made my eyes stayed glued to them. I was also able to capture their first song, Wolf.

Their last song was Growl, and I, in particular, really enjoyed it 'cause *cough* D.O *cough*.

If I thought my eardrums was blasted when EXO-K performed, my heart, soul, body, and holy mother of glob every part of my being got blown away when a white curtain was put up for the next performers, SHINee. (You have to understand how badly I am controlling the urge to type everything in all caps right now.)

Their first song, Dream Girl (one of the my favorite era might I add), was just wonderful. Though I hated the part when the song already started and the lights were still off. But seeing them there, in that stage, with my own eyes, all the negative I felt that day went away. I suddenly didn't mind that I had to walk through a flood 'cause I forgot our tickets, the never ending stress of budgeting money just to buy those said tickets. All I felt was this bubble of happiness slowly starting to inflate itself in my lungs and the tears building up in my tear ducts.

I have thought of what my reaction would be when I see them. Will I cry? Will I just stand there like an idiot? Will it feel like it's real? All those questions were answered when the spotlights were turned on. Then, there they were, my four shining gay husbands (unfortunately one of them was back in Korea filming a drama) in all their glorious perfection.

After their first performance, they introduced themselves.
"Philippines! Long time no see huh?!"
I love how Key uses his English skills more to communicate with international fans now (they always used to have translators). Basically, he said that they miss Philippines and their sorry that they're only four but they promise to come back as five, and then he said that they love Filipino fans (I know they practically say it to any fan of theirs but to be one to which it's directed to. OH DEAR. Hold me).

Key said their next song was Lucifer, which in all it's glory is what made me discover SHINee and fall in love with them. 'Cause this song... this song have some of the raddest moves I have ever seen in my life (and they're all really sexy in it). 

Then the music started again and they dove right into another song which was Stranger. It surprised us 'cause they don't usually perform it in events like this. But the good thing about a song that isn't always performed is they give their all when they do. It's pretty obvious how they dance more when it's these kinds of songs.

Jonghyun then introduced their next song in korean which Key translated into, "You're so Beautiful". This performance is what made me want those SVIP tickets in the first place. 'Cause midway of the song they started interacting with the fans and giving out these bunny plushies in the crowd. I really wished I had elastic hands to grab one of it.

Then, it was there. The moment we all dreaded the most, their last song, Why So Serious?
I gave myself the liberty of putting down all the things I'm holding and enjoy their last performance. No cameras to check if I was recording them correctly, no interference with the feeling I know will soon be coming. Just me, my eyes, my maniacal screams, and my SHINee World lightstick bouncing to the beat of the song.


A display of fireworks started to go off in the bridge of the song, signalling the near end of the show. When Jonghyun sang the high note "Tonight~", I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. The mixture of happiness and sadness overwhelmed me.

One last chorus, SHINee's final bow and the lights turned off.

That was it. The dream was over. But the memory of it, will always.. always, stay with me.